Stronger Than I Am
by Sara9
Summary: This focuses mostly on Monica and Chandler. There's a more detailed description in the author's note... *Final chapters added*
1. Chapter One

A/N - I started writing this quite some time ago. I basically have the whole thing written, but it needs a little - well, a lot of - work. The first chapter is finished - I hope. By the way, this story is basically going to focus on Monica and Chandler. Are they - or will they be - together? Well, just wait and see...

I think the only thing you really need to know to get started is that Chandler isn't a part of the group - at the moment. However, he and Ross were roommates in college, and Monica did meet him a few times. And, just in case you're curious, Monica lives in the same apartment, Joey is across the hall, Ross lives in Ugly Naked Guy's old apartment, and Phoebe and Rachel live together in Phoebe's grandmother's old apartment. I think you'll figure out the rest as you read.

Sorry for the long author's note... And for the title. I'm really bad at coming up with titles, so it could change... Anyway, I hope you enjoy this...

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters from _Friends_. They all belong to their brilliant creators.

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Stronger Than I Am

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Chapter One

Monica Geller walked into the familiar coffeehouse and sat down on the couch. She held her bundle close to her and sighed. It had been a long day.

"Hey, Monica," Phoebe said cheerfully upon entering Central Perk. "How was your day?" she asked, sitting down beside her.

"Hectic," she replied. "And Chelsea wasn't very cooperative at her check-up," she continued and shifted the baby in her arms.

"Oh, really?" Phoebe cooed, making faces at the little girl. "You should be good for your mommy, sweetie." She looked back at Monica. "I don't see how you do it, Monica. I don't think I could handle raising a baby on my own."

"It's tough, but it's worth it," Monica replied, listening to her daughter's laughter. "Sometimes I think Chelsea's a lot stronger than I am," she added quietly and sighed. "Oh well. I always wanted to be a mom. I just hadn't planned on doing it this way."

  
"Well, I'm proud of you," Phoebe smiled.

"Hey guys!" Ross greeted them when he entered with his friend.

"What's going on?" Joey asked.

"Nothing," Monica replied as Ross took Chelsea from her. "Just waiting for Rachel so we can go shopping. I need to pick up a few things for Chelsea. She's starting to outgrow everything we own."

"Are you taking her with you?" Ross asked.

"Yeah... Unless you want to baby-sit."

"You know I'd love to, Mon, but I'm waiting for somebody."

"Ooo... Hot date tonight?" Joey smirked.

"No. It's -"

Joey interrupted. "I should've known it wasn't a hot date. I mean, you're _Ross_."

"Thanks a lot, Joey," Ross replied sarcastically, then turned back to Monica. "It's a guy I know from college. You might remember him, Mon."

"Really? Who is it?" she asked curiously.

He took Chelsea from Monica, sat her on his knee and answered. "My former roommate. He came to our house for Thanksgiving a couple of times. Chandler Bing."

"Ch- Chandler Bing? Wow. When was the last time you saw him?" she asked casually. She hoped he didn't pick up on her complete shock.

"It's been years," he answered. "He got a job in L.A. after college, but I ran into him the other day and we decided to meet so we could catch up a little."

"Oh... Gee, I wish Rachel would hurry. We've really got to get going," Monica said anxiously.

"Somebody looking for me?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah. We'd better get going," Monica said and stood quickly, then took Chelsea from Ross. "See you guys later."

Once they were gone, Ross turned to Joey. "Was it just me, or was she a little anxious to get out of here?"

"Yeah, maybe a little," Joey answered. "Maybe _she_ has a hot date. _That_ I would believe."

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"So what was that, Monica?" Rachel asked as she, Monica, and Phoebe strolled through the aisles of the baby store. Phoebe had Chelsea on her hip.

"What was what?" Monica asked, confused.

"Why were you in such a rush to leave the coffeehouse? I know I was a _little_ late, but you were really rushing us," Rachel responded.

"I bet it has something to do with that guy that was coming to meet Ross," Phoebe smirked. "You seemed to get a little nervous when he mentioned that name. What was it again?"

"Chandler. Chandler Bing," Monica replied immediately. She blushed when Phoebe cast a knowing grin in her direction. "I just wanted to get this shopping finished," Monica said, turning back to look at some baby clothing on a nearby shelf. "What do you think about this?" she asked, holding up a pink dress.

"Hey, I remember him," Rachel continued, getting back to the subject she and Phoebe were most interested in. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you had a crush on him, Mon." 

"I don't have a crush on him," Monica insisted. "I haven't seen the guy in years. Besides, the last time I saw him, I chopped off his toe."

"Yuck!" Phoebe exclaimed, causing Chelsea to giggle. "What kind of weirdo are you?"

"It was an accident. She was trying to seduce him before Thanksgiving dinner," Rachel informed her.

"I wasn't trying to _seduce_ him. I was trying to _embarrass_ him. Come on, guys. Let's talk about something else. Please," Monica begged.

"Okay... But this is not the last you're going to hear about Chandler Bing."

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"Ross! Hey," Chandler exclaimed upon entering the coffeehouse and spotting his friend.

"Hey, Chandler!" Ross stood to embrace his friend in a manly hug. "I'd like you to meet Joey. Joey, this is Chandler."

"Nice to meet you," Chandler smiled and shook his hand.

"Same here," Joey replied. The three of them sat down, then continued the conversation.

"So, I guess we've got a lot of catching up to do, huh?" Ross began. "How's your job? And speaking of your job, how were things in L.A.? I figured you'd stay out there."

"Yeah, me too, but they transferred me to New York about six months ago. L.A. was great, but I think I like it better here already."

"That's good... And it'll be great to have you around again."

"Yeah... So how's your family?" Chandler asked. He didn't want to be too obvious, but he was wondering about a specific someone - Ross' sister, Monica.

"They're all great," he answered simply.

Chandler was looking for a little more information. "How's your sister? Monica, right?"

"Yeah. She's great. She's done really well as a single mom. I'm proud of her."

"Mom? Your sister's a mom?" he asked, completely shocked. The last time he saw Monica...

"Yeah. Chelsea's almost nine months old. She's a cutie," he smiled.

"Wow. I had no idea," Chandler sighed.

"You know what? Maybe I could talk Monica into going to dinner with us tomorrow night. I'm sure she'd enjoy a night out. What do you think?" Ross suggested.

"Dinner would be great." Chandler couldn't help feeling a little disappointed, and he wasn't sure why. He thought... Well, it didn't really matter what he thought. It had obviously been over before it had even begun...

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A/N - I hope this chapter sounded okay. I'm working on the next one, so I'll try to have it here soon. Please let me know what you thought. Good or bad... I think I can take it. lol


	2. Chapter Two

A/N - Thank you very much for your reviews. I'm glad you're interested in this one. I think this chapter might confirm some of your suspicions... Maybe not... Someone asked if you were going to learn anything about Chelsea's father. Well, this chapter explains a little. I think the next one will explain a little more. Anyway... I hope you enjoy it.

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Stronger Than I Am

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Chapter Two

"Monica? You home?" Ross called upon entering her apartment the next afternoon.

Monica appeared seconds later from the nursery. She placed a finger to her lips as she carefully shut the door to Chelsea's room. "I finally got her down for a nap. Don't wake her up," she warned.

"Oh. Sorry," Ross replied as he and Monica both sat down in the living room. "Hey, what are you doing tonight?"

"Cleaning up this place," Monica replied, gesturing around the room. The apartment looked tidy, with the exception of a few toys scattered over the floor.

"It looks fine, Mon. You've got a kid around here. It's supposed to look a little... well, lived in."

"It _is_ lived in. I just don't want the place to become a disaster area, and if I let it go for one day, it -"

"Okay, okay. But wouldn't you like to get out of here for awhile? When was the last time you went out to dinner?"

"We all went out just last week. We took Chelsea to that -"

"No. _Without_ Chelsea."

She pondered the thought for a moment before answering. "Well, there was that night... Or maybe... Yeah! There was that one time... Okay, so I don't remember. But I _like_ it here, Ross. I'm a mother now. I don't have the luxury of going out every night."

"How about you go out tonight? I already asked Phoebe if she could baby-sit."

"You want me to go out alone? Ross, I -" She stopped, eyeing her brother suspiciously. "Wait a minute. Are you trying to set me up?"

"No! I'm not trying to set you up. I'm going to dinner with Chandler tonight, and he thought it would be nice if you came along, too."

"He did?" Ross nodded. "Well... Maybe I could," she agreed reluctantly. "But we can't stay out late. I have to get back to Chelsea."

"Of course. I'll call Chandler and let him know you're coming. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Okay." She watched as Ross exited her apartment, then leaned back against the couch. "Dinner with Chandler... This should be interesting."

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"I can't believe you talked me into this, Ross. I haven't seen Chandler in years, and even then I hardly knew him."

"I know, but he was asking about you and I thought it might be nice if we all went out together."

"Fine. But can we please keep it short. Chelsea -"

"Chandler, hi!" Ross said and stood when he saw his friend coming into the restaurant and heading toward their table.

"Hello again," Chandler smiled. Just as he reached the table, Monica stood to greet him. She looked absolutely stunning in a form fitting red dress. "Monica... Hi," Chandler said with a goofy smile on his face.

"Hello, Chandler," she smiled and held out her hand for a handshake. Chandler took it and raised it to his lips for a tender kiss.

"You look gorgeous," he said quietly.

She blushed. "Thank you."

The three of them sat down and began their evening together. Ross couldn't help noticing that Monica and Chandler seemed to have a lot to say to each other. He felt like the third wheel.

"Ross tells me you have a daughter," Chandler commented late in the evening. He hadn't had the courage to bring it up until now.

"I certainly do," she replied. "Her name is Chelsea. She's her mommy's little angel," she smiled weakly.

"I'd love to meet her... Maybe I could come over sometime."

"Um... I don't see why not," Monica answered. "Actually, I should be going. She probably misses me by now... Ross, thank you for dinner."

"You're welcome. Would you like me to walk you home?" he asked.

"Hey, why don't _I_ do that?" Chandler offered. He saw this as the perfect opportunity to get her alone.

"Well, I don't mind. Monica?"

"If you're sure, Chandler," Monica replied.

"I'm positive. It would be my pleasure."

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"So... This is awkward," Chandler said as they walked toward Monica's apartment building.

"Yeah, it is," Monica sighed.

"I just thought we should talk. I mean, the last time we saw each other was... Well, it was wonderful. I just wish I hadn't gone back to L.A. I shouldn't have left you."

"Chandler, I -"

"No, I understand. I just wasn't expecting you to be a mom when I saw you again. I guess I was stupid to think you'd wait for me."

"Chandler, please. What we had was wonderful while it lasted, but you left, and my life went on without you. It's been almost two years since I saw you."

"I know that, Monica, and I guess that we've both changed - a lot. But all this time I've kind of been hoping that we could..."

"We could what?" she asked curiously.

"Pick up where we left off," he said, his head lowered.

"But, Chandler, we were only together for a few weeks." She decided there was no need for her to tell him just how much those few weeks had meant to her.

"But they were three _wonderful_ weeks."

"Yes, they were," she agreed. They finally reached her building, and she led him up to her apartment. "Would you like to come in for a few minutes?"

"Sure." She unlocked the door and found Phoebe holding a very wide awake Chelsea.

"She's waiting up for her mommy," Phoebe said and took the baby to Monica. "And I've got to go home."

"Thanks, Pheebs... Oh, and this is Chandler, by the way."

"Hi. Phoebe Buffay," she said and shook his hand. "Gotta run." With that, she was gone.

"Come and sit down," Monica instructed, leading him to the couch. "Sweetie, you should be sleeping," she cooed to the baby. Chelsea just giggled and smiled up at her mother. Those eyes... They always got Monica. Just like her father's...

Chandler smiled at the mother and daughter. "You're a great mom. I can tell already," he smiled at Monica.

"Thank you," she blushed. "I do the best I can."

"It must be hard without her father around... Where is he? If you don't mind my asking."

"Chelsea's father doesn't know about her," she said quietly. "I thought it would be better that way. Now I'm not so sure."

  
"I guess you could use the child support, huh? It must be hard to make ends meet with a baby to take care of."

"No, it's not the money... I just wish she had her father. I mean, most kids say 'mama' and 'dada' for their first words, but Chelsea has no reason to say 'dada.' She hardly knows she even _has_ a father. I wish I could give her that, but..."

"But what? Don't you think her father would be willing to be that - a father?"

"I'm not sure. We weren't even serious when we were together. I just always thought..." She paused, unsure of what to say. "I'm sorry. Could you hold her for a minute?" she asked.

"I don't know, Monica. I've never -" Before he could finish, the baby was in his arms and Monica was headed toward the bathroom.

"So... What's goin' on?" he asked the baby nervously. She giggled. "Oh, really?" he smiled. "You look like your mom... Except for your eyes... Wow, they look really familiar for some reason."

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A/N - Did you see the "past" between Monica and Chandler coming? lol Predictable, huh? I know... I still hope you liked it, and please let me know what you thought. I'll try to have the next chapter up in a day or two.


	3. Chapter Three

A/N - It took a little longer than planned to get this chapter up, but I hope you like it. I've had a difficult time with this one - and the next one, but I'll deal with that one when I get there... lol I'm making no sense now. Please let me know what you think...

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Stronger Than I Am

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Chapter Three

Monica walked out of the bathroom and silently watched Chandler playing with the baby. She couldn't help smiling at the sight of them together. She could never imagine Chandler as a dad, but now... It just looked so natural. "I think she likes you," she finally spoke up.

"She sure is a cute baby," he answered as Monica joined him on the couch again.

"Yeah... She reminds me of her father. It's really hard to look at her. Every time I do, I think of him, and... I love her so much, but..." She looked up from the baby to Chandler. His eyes met hers and before either of them knew it, they were locked in a tender kiss.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," Chandler apologized once the kiss was over.

"No, it's all right. There's no need to apologize," she assured him.

"So... You don't see Chelsea's father a lot?" Chandler wasn't sure that he should bring the subject up again, but he had to know exactly where Monica stood. Maybe this was his chance to win her back. She obviously still had some sort of feelings for Chelsea's father, but when he had kissed her, he knew that he felt something.

"No. I hardly ever see him. We were over before anything ever begun," she smiled weakly. "I knew he wasn't in it for the long haul, so I just decided to do this myself - raise Chelsea, I mean."

"And he doesn't know anything about her?" Chandler asked.

"No. Nothing at all. He knows that she exists, but I don't think he has a clue that she's his daughter. He hasn't questioned it." She paused, looking at the little girl in Chandler's arms. "He has no idea... I just... I couldn't do that to him. We weren't in a serious relationship when Chelsea was conceived, and if he'd known about the pregnancy, I think he would have stayed around for me. I didn't want to do that to him... I would never say that Chelsea was a mistake, because she's the only thing that's _right_ in my life, but she certainly wasn't planned. I didn't want to tie him down."

"What if he _wanted_ to be tied down?" he asked. He wasn't sure that he should even be asking questions like this but, for some reason, he felt like he needed to know these things.

"Trust me. He didn't," she half-smiled. "He's the one that ended our relationship. I know he cared about me on some level, but he wasn't ready to commit to me even without the baby."

"I understand what you're saying, Monica, but... Don't you think he has the right to know? I mean, if I had a child out there somewhere, I'd want to know about it."

She looked at him, unsure of what to say. "You're probably right," she admitted quietly. "It's just... I don't know."

Chandler smiled at her sympathetically and took her hand with his free hand, balancing Chelsea on his knee with the other. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't even be asking these things. It looks like you're doing fine without her father around."

Monica smiled slightly. "Take a closer look, Chandler," she began, turning her gaze to her hand in his. "I'm a mess. Chelsea's dealing with this much better than I am. I mean, she's just a baby but, between me and her, _she's_ the strong one. She doesn't wake up crying at night. I do. And, I hate to admit it, but I depend on her even more than she depends on me. I don't think I'd survive if I didn't have her to keep me sane."

"I can tell that you're a wonderful mother, Monica, and that's what matters. The most important thing is that you've done this. You've taken care of her alone for what? A year?"

"Almost. Eleven months."

"Eleven months... I'm no expert on this stuff, but I _do_ know that making it that far as a single mom has to be something. You're an incredible mother, Monica. I can tell."

"Thank you. That means a lot to me," Monica replied, wiping away a few stray tears.

  
Chandler put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her to him, enjoying being able to hold her once again. It had been so long since he'd had that feeling.

"I've missed you," Monica stated somewhat out of the blue. She regretted saying it as soon as the words left her lips. He wasn't ready to hear that.

He looked at her, a little surprised. "I've missed you, too," he said quietly. "I really have, Monica."

Monica pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. "Chandler... I think we really need to talk."

"Okay... What would you like to talk about?" he asked, as if the answer to that question wasn't obvious.

"You and me. I know that what we had was very short. We both know that three weeks isn't really a long relationship."

"Hey, for me it was a record. Three weeks is really good for me," he teased.

"Yeah," she smiled weakly. She saw Chelsea yawn and reached over to brush her cheek with her finger. "I can take her if you're uncomfortable," she offered, noticing that Chandler was shifting the baby in his arms.

"Oh, it's fine. Actually, I kind of like this," he admitted. "I never thought I'd be this comfortable holding a baby."

"Well, she's the best to learn with. She's a perfect angel," she replied, then realized that she had steered the conversation in a completely different direction than what she had intended. She was really nervous about telling him how she felt. "Chandler, about us..."

"Oh, yeah. What is it?" he asked, wondering if this might be what he was hoping for.

"I don't know how you're going to feel about this, but I'd like to give it another try. You're here now, in New York, and maybe things could work. And I know that you're probably not looking for a relationship with a single mom, but -"

"Monica, the baby doesn't change how I feel about you. I care about you. I _really_ care about you," he said sincerely.

She smiled at him. "I'm glad you feel that way... Chandler, those three weeks changed my life. They really meant a lot to me. _You_ really meant a lot to me." She had to do this. She had to tell him the truth.

"So I guess we're on the same wavelength, huh?" he grinned.

"Yeah... But there's more... You gave me more than just that time together." She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and began to tell him what she should have already told him. "You gave me Chelsea..."

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A/N - Does that mean what you think it means? Stick around for chapter four to find out... I'll have it up in a few days, I hope.


	4. Chapter Four

A/N - I'm really sorry that this took so long, but I've been extremely busy lately. And I'm sorry if this chapter is horrible. I've tried to fix it, but I'm not really sure what else to do to it. Thank you for your reviews on the last chapter, and please let me know what you think about this one.

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Stronger Than I Am

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Chapter Four

Chandler stared at Monica with wide eyes, wondering if he'd heard her correctly. "I gave you Chelsea? Chelsea is _my_ daughter?"

"I'm sorry, Chandler. I know you weren't expecting this at all, and I honestly wasn't planning on telling you but -"

"Wait a minute. You were never going to tell me that I had a daughter?"

"I know it sounds horrible, but I just _couldn't_ tell you. I didn't think you were ready to be a father, and we'd only been together for a few weeks. We were over, Chandler."

"Oh, we're far from over," he replied, still in complete shock. "And maybe I wasn't ready to be a father, but I could have adjusted. Monica, I can't believe you didn't tell me about her," he sighed and looked down at Chelsea - his daughter. "I knew her eyes looked familiar," he said quietly. He was still trying to comprehend what Monica had told him. He was a father. It was the most unbelievable thing he'd ever heard.

Monica watched Chandler as he just sat there, staring at the baby. She wondered what he was thinking. All she knew for sure was that she couldn't _stop_ thinking about what had happened nearly two years ago.

Chandler had been in New York on business and they ran into each other in Central Perk. One thing led to another, and they began their love affair. Somehow she had managed to keep the whole thing a secret from her best friends. It certainly hadn't been easy. But when Chandler's time in New York ended, so did their relationship. She tried to go back to her normal, everyday life...

...Until the next month when a home pregnancy test confirmed her suspicions. There was no doubt about it. She was having Chandler's baby. She told her friends that she wanted to keep the baby's father a secret. How could she tell Ross?

The most difficult decision had been to keep her secret from Chandler. She had no idea that their time together had meant so much to him until tonight and, at the time, she didn't think that he was ready to be a father. She hadn't even been sure if she was ready to be a mother.

But here they were, sitting in Monica's living room, with their daughter. Monica broke the unnerving silence.

"Chandler, I'm really sorry," she began quietly, unable to look at him. "But you have to understand how terrified I was when I found out that our little fling resulted in a baby. I was _afraid_ to tell you. I wasn't sure how you'd react when I told you that you were about to have a baby with a woman you hardly knew. _I_ wasn't even sure how to react."

"Monica, if you had told me about the pregnancy from the beginning, I could have come back. I could have been here for you through the whole thing. I just don't understand why you were going to keep this from me."

"But I didn't," she defended herself. "I told you tonight, didn't I?"

"Yes, but you wouldn't have if I hadn't shown up," he reminded her.

She finally worked up the courage to look him in the eye. "I don't know what to say, Chandler. I'm really sorry, and I hope you can forgive me - for Chelsea's sake."

He looked from Monica to Chelsea, then back to Monica. "I will... It's just going to take some time... I mean, I've missed out on so much of my daughter's life. I didn't get to see the first sonogram; I wasn't there to hold your hand when you gave birth to our little girl; I didn't hear her first words or -"

"Mama. She's only said mama," Monica interrupted. "She babbles a lot, but the only real word we can make out is mama."

"Oh... Then I guess I'll have to teach her to say dada, huh?" he smiled weakly. "I can't believe I'm a dad," he said.

"Well, you definitely are," Monica smiled with tears in her eyes. "I want you to be a part of Chelsea's life, Chandler."

"I want that too, Monica, but..." He wasn't sure how to say this. There were no words to describe how angry he was that she had chosen to keep him out of his daughter's life for almost a year. On the other hand, he cared about Monica more than he'd ever cared about anyone. And, surprisingly, he wasn't freaking out over the fact that he had a child - another human being that he was supposed to be responsible for. Maybe it just hadn't had a chance to sink in yet. Yeah. That had to be it. "I can't just push aside the fact that you kept her away from me for such a long time. I wasn't planning on being a father this soon, but if I had known that I was, I would have wanted to be here... I wish I had been here, Monica."

"I know," she said quietly. "I wish you had been here, too. But you weren't, Chandler, and I can't change that. I was stupid to think that I could keep her from you. Believe me, I've paid for it over and over again for the last year... Do you remember what you said to me before you left?"

He took a deep breath, remembering his words very clearly. "I said that I didn't want you to follow me. I didn't want to take you away from your friends and family and your life here, in New York..." He hesitated before continuing, this time much more quietly. "And I said that I wasn't ready for a commitment."

"Exactly," Monica replied, fighting back tears. "You weren't ready for a commitment. What do you think Chelsea is, Chandler? She's the biggest commitment I could possibly think of."

Chandler looked down to see that Chelsea was sleeping in his lap, completely unaware of what her parents were going through. He sighed loudly and looked back at Monica. "But this is different, Monica. As soon as you found out that you were having my baby, you should have told me. I had a right to know. She's just as much mine as she is yours. You had no right to keep her from me. I understand that what I said might have caused you to think otherwise, but this is a lot bigger than some relationship that we might or might not have had."

Monica wasn't sure what to say. She felt like screaming at him, but there were two reasons that she couldn't. First of all, she didn't want to wake Chelsea. Secondly, she knew that Chandler was absolutely right. She shouldn't have tried to keep her from him. "Let me take her to bed. Then we'll talk." She stood and removed the baby from Chandler's lap and carried her into the nursery, closing the door behind her.

Once she had left the room, Chandler stood and began pacing back and forth through the living room. He paused when he heard crying coming from the nursery. He walked to the door and listened carefully, then recognized Monica's voice singing a soft lullaby to their little girl. A few seconds later, the crying ceased and so did the singing. Chandler walked back to the couch and sat down. He laid his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes, trying to take it all in.

Monica returned to the living room a few minutes later and sat down in the armchair, looking toward him. "Chandler?" she began, pulling him out of his thoughts. He raised his head and looked at her, urging her to continue. "I know that what I did was wrong. You deserve to be a father to her. She deserves to have you. I realize that now, but I thought it was too late."

"It's never too late Monica. I -" He stopped when she interrupted him.

"Let me finish, Chandler. Just listen to me for a few minutes. Please?" she asked. He nodded, so she went on. "You have absolutely no idea what I've gone through since you left. You told me that you didn't want a commitment, Chandler. So I thought that keeping her from you was the best thing to do at the time. I know it was stupid, but I wasn't thinking clearly. I was pregnant. The hormones alone drove me crazy... You might be her father, but you didn't have to go through any of that. You didn't wake up every morning for three months more sick than you'd ever been in your life. You didn't carry another human being inside of you for nine months. You didn't go through twenty seven hours of labor to bring another life into the world. I did... And I did it alone." She paused, fighting back tears. "I always thought that when I had a baby, I'd have the baby's father around to help me through it, to tell me it was going to be okay. But I didn't have that luxury because you said that you didn't want a commitment. It wasn't fair, Chandler, and I understand that keeping you out of her life wasn't fair either. It wasn't fair to you, it wasn't fair to Chelsea, and it wasn't fair to me. I see that now. But I can't change it. I understand that you're upset with me. I don't blame you. You can complain about it forever if you want to, but that's not going to make it any better. You need to get to know your daughter."

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A/N - I know most of you were expecting Chandler to be the father, so this wasn't really a surprise. I also noticed in the reviews that someone said something about maybe Joey being the father. Well, I actually did think about that - sort of. I have another version of chapter four and the next couple of chapters that used that kind of idea, but you'd have to read them to understand the whole thing. I thought about posting them, too, but it would probably be too confusing. So I decided to go ahead and make Chandler the dad. Hope it didn't disappoint you too much. lol Please let me know what you thought.


	5. Chapter Five

A/N - I hope this chapter isn't _too_ horrible. There will either be one or two more chapters after this one, depending on how much of the stuff I've got written I decide to get rid of. lol Please let me know what you think.

Stronger Than I Am

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Chapter Five

"So, did you have a nice time with that guy last night?" Phoebe grinned at Monica. They were all at her apartment having breakfast the next morning. Monica and Chandler had spent most of the night talking, and just watching Chelsea sleep. It had been a very eventful night in Chelsea's life, even though she had slept through most of it.

"Guy? What guy?" Ross asked, then realized who Phoebe must have been talking about. "Chandler?"  


"Yes, it was Chandler," Monica answered. "He just came in for a few minutes after he walked me home." She wasn't sure that she was ready to tell Ross the whole truth just yet. She could get yelled at any time and, at the moment, she was a little too tired to listen to it.

"A few minutes? Did he walk you home at six o'clock in the morning?" Joey asked.

"What are you talking about?" Monica asked nervously.

"I got home at six this morning," he smirked. "I spent the night with this hot chick I met at -"

"Finish the story, Joey," Ross demanded.

"I was trying... So I saw this girl at this strip club and -"

"Joey!" Ross yelled.

"Fine," Joey sighed. "Anyway, when I got here I saw this guy coming out of Monica's apartment. It was that guy you introduced me to yesterday, Ross. Chandelier, I think."

Ross glared at Monica. She looked away from him. Whether she was ready or not, it was time to tell him the truth. Unless...

"Oh, I think I hear Chelsea," she lied and headed toward the nursery.

"Not so fast, Monica!" Ross yelled. "Chandler spent the night here?!"

This was exactly why she hadn't told him that Chandler was Chelsea's father. "Ross, it's not like that. I didn't sleep with him... Last night," she added quietly. As soon as she said it, she regretted it. Why did she have to say _that_?

"Whoa. You didn't sleep with him _last_ night?! What is that supposed to mean?!"

"Ross, stop it. You're going to wake Chelsea," she warned him. "I really need to talk to you about something... About Chandler."

"Yes, I think you do," Ross said angrily. He crossed his arms over his chest and just looked at her.

The other three pairs of eyes stared at the brother and sister, waiting for Monica to continue.

"Guys, could we please have some privacy?" Monica asked.

"Oh, sure," Rachel replied, ushering Joey and Phoebe out ahead of her. "I wanna hear all about this later," she said to Monica before going out the door.

"All right, Ross. Just sit down," Monica said and watched as he took a seat on the couch. She stood by the television, with the coffee table between her and her brother.

"Oh, this is something I need to sit down for, huh? It must be pretty big news," he said, the anger still evident in his voice. "What is it?"

"Ross, please calm down," she began. "Okay... About Chandler." She took a deep breath before continuing. "Awhile back, he was here. In New York. I ran into him in Central Perk."

"You ran into him and didn't tell me?"  


"Yes, but there's much, much more. We went out a couple of times while he was here."

"You went out with him? So _that's_ why he kept asking about you."

"Yeah, I guess so... But there's more. We were...together...for three weeks. Then he had to go back to L.A., so we ended it."

"So you had a fling with my best friend from college? Monica, I'm shocked."

"I'm sorry, Ross, but you hadn't seen him in years... And I was really starting to care for him before he had to leave."

"You _did_ sleep with him last night, didn't you?" Ross accused.

"No, I didn't. But he _did_ stay here for most of the night. We had a lot to talk about."

"Such as..." Ross waited for her to continue.

Monica looked down at her feet. She just couldn't look him in the eye. "Such as the fact that he's going to be spending a lot more time here."

"Are you going to start 'going out' with him again?" he asked.

"Well, I'm not sure. We'd really like to work things out... But he has other reasons to be here. He has Chelsea."

"Chelsea? What does Chelsea - Oh no. Is she? Is he? Monica?!"

"Chandler is Chelsea's father, Ross."

"And you two didn't tell me?!" he exclaimed.

"Ross, I didn't even tell _Chandler_ until last night... He was pretty upset."

"_Upset_? Oh, you haven't seen upset, Monica Geller. I can't believe you had a baby with him!"

"Well, excuse me, Ross, but the last time I checked I was an adult capable of making my own decisions and I decided to sleep with Chandler," she fumed. "I didn't choose to get pregnant, but I did, and I'm _glad_ that I did. I love Chelsea. And I really care about Chandler. You're just going to have to get used to it."

__

Knock, knock.

"That's Chandler," Monica said and walked toward the door. Once she was there, she turned back to Ross. "Don't say or do anything stupid, Ross. You'll regret it," she warned.

She opened the door and smiled when she saw Chandler standing there with two gift wrapped boxes in his arms. "You didn't have to come bearing gifts," she teased and let him into the apartment.

"I wanted to," he replied, then stopped when he saw Ross. "Hi," he said quietly, wondering if he already knew about his "fling" with Monica.

"He knows," Monica informed him after seeing the looks exchanged between Chandler and Ross. "I hear Chelsea," she said upon hearing the faint cry of the baby from the nursery. "Please don't fight," she begged, looking directly at Ross, then going to get the baby.

After a moment of complete silence in the living room, Chandler had to speak. "Ross, I'm sorry. I don't really know what to say. I know that Monica is your little sister and I'm sure you were upset that her baby's father wasn't around, but I didn't know... I honestly didn't know. I would have been here. You know me. I wouldn't just walk out on her like that. I really do care about her. You have to know that."

"I do know something... And I think we need to talk about it..."


	6. Chapter Six

****

Stronger Than I Am

__

Chapter Six

"All right, Ross. What is it?" Chandler asked, expecting the absolute worst. He was dealing with an angry older brother, and he was sure it wouldn't be pretty.

"You don't have to be sorry for what happened. I have no right to judge either of you for... Well, for what you did. Actually, I should _thank_ you for making my sister so happy. She's been happier than I've ever seen her since she had Chelsea. And, to be completely honest with you, the only time she's ever happier is when she talks about Chelsea's father... She doesn't know this, but I overheard her talking to Chelsea about him one night. She kept saying how sorry she was that he wasn't around, and how much she missed him... How much Chelsea would love him... You know, she's right. Chelsea is gonna love you."

Chandler smiled. He was shocked that Ross hadn't tried to kill him, but he was thrilled that Ross had said what he had instead. "I hope so... I just feel like I need to let you know that I'm going to be here for Monica and the baby. I won't let them slip through my fingers this time. Not after I let it happen with Monica once," he said sadly.

Ross didn't say anything for a minute, thinking about his sister and Chandler. "You love her, don't you?"

"Love her? I don't - I mean... I never..." He sighed and finally admitted it to himself. "Yeah, I think I do," he said quietly.

"Hey guys," Monica smiled when she came out of the nursery with Chelsea on her hip. "Say good morning to Uncle Ross and Ch- And Daddy," she corrected herself.

"Daddy. Wow," Chandler said in a whisper before Monica sat down beside him on the couch.

"I'll leave you guys alone," Ross said before kissing Monica and Chelsea's foreheads and leaving the apartment.

"So..." Chandler began. "I've got presents for the two most beautiful women in the world," he said and picked up the larger of the two. "This one is for you, Chelsea," he said, then proceeded to open it for her. He pulled a stuffed bunny rabbit out of the box and handed it to her. "Do you like it?" he asked, watching her play with it.

"I think she does," Monica laughed as she watched the little girl pull on the bunny's ears.

"Then I hope her mother likes her present, too," Chandler said and gave Monica the other box, then took Chelsea so she could open it.

Monica smiled at him as she tore the paper from the package to reveal a velvet jewelry box. "Oh, Chandler, you really shouldn't have done this," she said.

"Go ahead. Open it," he urged.

She opened the box and gasped when she saw what was inside. "It's beautiful," she said in a whisper, taking the ring out of the box. It was silver with a small sapphire set between two smaller diamonds. "I can't accept this, Chandler. It's too much."

"No, it's not enough," he replied. "I wanted to give you something, to let you know that I'm going to be here for you, so this is sort of a promise ring. A promise that I'm never going to leave you again. I'm going to be here for you and Chelsea forever. Now that you've got me here, it's not going to be easy to get rid of me," he chuckled.

"I wouldn't want to," she said quietly, a single tear running down her cheek.

He reached over to wipe it away, only to be interrupted by a stuffed bunny in his face. "Hey, what's the big idea?" he laughed, smiling at Chelsea. He tickled her under her chin and watched as she looked up at him and giggled. "I can't believe she's mine. I have a daughter - with the most amazing woman I've ever known," he continued, looking back at Monica.

"I don't deserve you," she said quietly. "After what I did -"

"Shh... We can't change anything, so let's just go on with our lives. I don't want to dwell on _then_, Monica. I want to be a father to her _now_.

==========

Monica broke the news to the rest of her friends that afternoon. Chelsea's father now existed, and he would be around a lot. She wanted them to welcome Chandler into their circle, and they seemed more than happy to do so.

"So, Chandler, you like the Knicks?" Joey asked that evening at dinner. Monica had invited everyone over to get to know him.

"Yeah. Love 'em," Chandler responded, then saw Joey's very pleased expression.

"He's great, Mon," Joey whispered, not as quietly as he planned. Chandler heard him and chuckled lightly.

"Actually I've got some tickets for next week if you want to go," Chandler offered.

"Great!" Joey said excitedly.

"Chandler, let me ask you something," Phoebe began, obviously thinking about something important - to her, at least. "Do you believe that you have past lives?"

"Well... You know, I never really thought about it," he answered honestly, curious about what she was thinking.  


"Oh, don't pay any attention to her, Chandler," Rachel input. "Phoebe's really into this past lives and cleansing auras stuff."

"Yeah, but it's really important stuff," Phoebe defended herself. "Monica, you believe it, don't you?" she asked.

"Well, um... I don't know, Pheebs. Why do you ask?"

"Well, if I'm seeing things correctly, I think you two," she began, gesturing toward Monica and Chandler, "were together in a past life... Only I think you were monkeys." She paused, thinking hard about it. "Yes. Monkeys. Monica was one of those little monkeys that danced on the streets. You know; the ones those guys used to have that danced to the music for money," she tried to explain. "And Chandler came around one day and took her away from her life of misery. Really romantic," she smiled.

"How thoughtful of you, Chandler," Ross laughed. "Thanks for getting my little sister off the streets."

"Make jokes all you want," Phoebe said angrily, "but it's true... Just as true as the fact that you were once a boring... faleotoligion. Oh wait. That's now," she countered, pleased with her own joke.

"Phoebe, I'm a _paleontologist_," Ross replied.

Phoebe glared at him. "Whatever... You're still boring!"

Monica couldn't help laughing and smiled over at Chandler. He was smiling, too, although he seemed to be a little confused by Phoebe's story. "I think this might be a little too much for him on his first night with you guys," Monica teased.

"You're right. We should be going," Ross replied and took Rachel's hand. "Come on, Rach. We'll go back to my place," he grinned and she followed him out the door.

"Hey, Pheebs. Wanna go to my place?" Joey asked with a smirk.

"Sure, but not for the reasons you're hoping, big boy," she answered and walked across the hall with him.

"Well, they're great," Chandler said once he and Monica were alone. "That Phoebe... Very interesting," he smiled.

"Yeah, very," Monica said and moved to sit next to him on the couch. "I can't believe Chelsea slept through all that."

"Would you mind if I went in to look at her? I'd just like to see her before I go home."

"Of course I don't mind. Go on in," she encouraged.

Chandler opened the door to the nursery and a beam of light from the living room shone on the crib. He could see his little girl sleeping peacefully and walked a little closer. He watched her chest rise and fall and smiled to himself. That baby was a part of him - and a part of Monica. The best of both of them.

He didn't even notice when Monica joined him until she reached over and took his hand in hers. She couldn't believe that she was standing here with him, gazing at their daughter. She was surprised at how well he'd accepted the news that he was a father once he had let it sink in a little. He even seemed to forgive her for keeping Chelsea from him. There was no point in looking back. The past couldn't be changed. But there was still the future to think about.

Chandler looked over at Monica and smiled. He squeezed her hand, then led her back into the living room and quietly closed the door to the nursery. "Monica, I need to tell you something. I kind of kept a secret from you, too."

"You did? What is it?" Monica asked, wondering what he could possibly be talking about.

"I love you."

==========

A/N - Only one more chapter to go...


	7. Chapter Seven

****

Stronger Than I Am

__

Chapter Seven

"I love you," he answered simply. There. He'd finally said it, after all those months of wishing he could just see her one more time to let her know how he truly felt. He was in love with her.

"You love me? Chandler, I -"

"I know, I know. It's a little sudden, right? Well, I guess I've known for months now. Who cares if we were only together for a few weeks? I knew then, and I know now. I've never felt this way about anybody, Monica. You've done something to me. Something wonderful. And now that I know we share a child, it just makes it even better. I want us to be together. Maybe you aren't ready to totally commit to me yet, but I'll wait for you. Forever, if I have to."

Monica wiped a single tear from her cheek and smiled at him. "As I was saying," she began, "Chandler, I love you, too."

He was shocked. "You do?"

"Yes. I waited all my life to find the perfect man for me - my soulmate. And I knew when we were together that I had found him. I found _you_, Chandler, and I want to be with you, too. More than anything."

A huge smile spread across his face and he took her into his arms and kissed her passionately. Before either of them knew it, they had stumbled into Monica's bedroom.

Chandler broke the kiss and stared at her. "We don't have to do this," he assured her. "I don't want to do this unless you're absolutely sure."

"I'm positive. I've been waiting a long time for this," she whispered. "I haven't...been with anyone...since you," she continued hesitantly.

"I haven't either," he replied quietly, smiling when he saw the look of shock appear on her face. He leaned in to kiss her tenderly. "I love you so much, Monica."

"I love you, too, Chandler..."

==========

Monica woke up the next morning, surprised to feel a man's arm around her. She smiled, thinking about the night she'd shared with Chandler and rolled over carefully to face him, trying not to wake him.

"Good morning, beautiful," Chandler smiled at her. He had been awake for at least half an hour, just watching her sleep.

"Good morning," she replied with a yawn. "Did you sleep well?" she asked.

"When I wasn't too busy with other things," he grinned and leaned over to kiss her gently. "How about you? Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah... Better than ever," she answered and wrapped her arms around him. "I've really missed this, Chandler."

"Me too... It's been awhile, huh? Almost two years..."

"Yeah... The last time we...did this...I ended up with Chelsea."

He smiled at that thought. "Speaking of our little angel, does she always sleep through the night like this?"  


"Yeah... She's a good baby. And I guess she knew her mom and dad needed some time alone," she grinned. She gave him a quick kiss, grabbed her robe, and got out of bed. "I'm gonna check on her. Be right back," she said and exited the room.

She walked into the nursery and over to the crib where Chelsea was lying, wide awake, staring up at her mobile. "Good morning, sunshine," Monica cooed and picked her up.

Moments later, Chandler entered the nursery, stepping up behind Monica. "Hi, Chelsea," he smiled as the baby gazed up at him. She reached her hands toward him.

They both laughed at Chelsea's actions. "Yep. Daddy's little girl, just like I predicted," Monica smiled as she handed the baby to Chandler.

"That's just how it should be. Right, Chelsea?" he cooed. Chelsea laughed. "But we still love mommy, right?"

"Mama!" she giggled and clapped her hands excitedly. The proud parents laughed along with their baby girl until she did something neither of them expected.

"Dada!"

"Mon, did she just say what I think she said?" Chandler asked excitedly.

"I think she did. She said dada," Monica replied, just as surprised as Chandler.

"Dada! Dada!" she exclaimed again, laughing and clapping her hands.

"That's right, Chelsea. This is daddy, and he's going to be here forever," Monica smiled through tears. "With you and me."  
  
"Really? Forever?" Chandler asked, smiling.

"If you really want that," she replied shyly, wondering if she'd spoken too soon.

"I do. More than anything."

"Then yes," Monica said happily. "Forever."

==========

A/N - I guess that's it. I hope you've enjoyed this. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I really appreciate it. Please let me know what you think.


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